good, great God

Well... I almost didn't get a chance to write in December, but for a few minutes I'm glad to take a breather and write what's going on. It has been a sweet, great, advent season. This month the Lord provided money for me in great ways: I got a check from the school I worked at in AR last year that I wasn't expecting at all. I also have been the fill in secretary for my parents church, and they generously pay. The Lord has provided for me in great ways - He is very worthy of our trust. 

Patience. Patience has also been a theme. The Jews waited 400 years for the coming of the Messiah - Christ - talk about patience! I have had trouble waiting 6 months for a job!!!!  So, this season I have found myself waiting for a lot of things: for the second coming of Jesus, (come Lord come!), for a job, for love, for an apartment, for things to be a little more clear. But in all of this waiting the Lord has taught me again about His love for me and that I am whole in Him - not in a job, or a boyfriend, or in a cute house, but that I am whole in the LORD alone. 

So, I am excited for a new year - excited to see what the Lord does and excited to continue to lean on Him and surrender to His ways (for the are best!).  And I have seen the Lord's blessing in so many ways: financially, with friends, with opportunities to lead worship, with working through good things with family, and with the hope that He will always walk with me. 

Snow way!

Snow. It hasn't stopped coming down all day. It shouldn't be a shocker - I did move back to Colorado which is known for white winters, but it's just snowing in my neighborhood!  And it's about a foot deep. And, if you remember I drive a toyota echo, affectionately called "snow puff." I mean, if I had a snow demon or a snow conqueror the roads would be no problem, but with the snow puff and dirt roads my attempt to get out of my driveway today failed. My car was lower to the ground than the snow was.  So... I missed church, missed having coffee with my sister and missed fun with friends in the springs and in Denver today because of it. Didn't realize those things were so important to me. Most of my thoughts toward snow are currently very grumpy thoughts, but as I've surrendered all of it to the Lord, it is a noticeable and stop-me-in-my-tracks reminder that I am not in control. I've had thoughts like, "This is it - I'm moving to the city this week." or "Which of my friends has a big vehicle that can get me out?" or "I've got to get a job... so that I can move... so that I can get where I want to go." Yeah, that's how it works! No. That the Lord does what He wants and that I am always and only dependent on Him. Not friends, not church, not coffee. Just the Lord. I must lean on the Lord. This is definitely not what I was expecting to learn or do today - He is always surprising.  So today... is Yours Lord, do what You want. 

what now?!?

Hi. It's Saturday afternoon and usually there is a plethora of great activities going on with my friends today - a hike, off-roading, movie watching, something... but today? Nothing. It is good because I applied for some new jobs and got some work done for my grandparents. But, I love being with people and doing crazy things and Saturday is usually one of the best days to do those things. My friends are beginning to mozy out of town for the holiday, which means... what do I do?????  It's been really great being a part of a community here and just feeling like I can run toward the Lord with people. Really great. So, what does this week hold? It'll be different from the rest for sure: Linds is here, huge party at the casa for Thanksgiving, no Bible Study, more free time. it's good; I want to pursue the Lord in the midst of it all.

Here's a low down on the job hunt: Banana Republic, had an interview, haven't heard back; ADF, didn't get the job; applications into a lot of new places (a new burst of enthusiasm): David C. Cook, Life Network, UCCS, Catholic Charities, International Justice Mission, and Youth For Christ... they're kind of all over the place and nothing that seems to suit me super well, but at least it's progress... and organizations that I would be excited to be a part of. Suggestions? People you know who could help? 

Fun moments lately: dressing up like a turkey for our Fakesgiving party, playing the accordion for friends, finishing up pottery class, talking about opening a shop called "the whimsical potato", running a 5k (this happens weekly in healthy downtown colorado springs - I've done it once), and hopefully singing in all 6 xmas eve services at my church (WOW). 

Happy almost Thanksgiving! 

baby, baby, baby

I love music. LOVE it.  I can't really explain why - something about how it calls us out of just life into something beyond. I don't know. But, here are some great musical experiences I've had lately:

- singing unashamedly on election day on the streets of DC with Devi - complete with motions, made up songs, high school musical, jack johnson and bing crosby covers. (Also, I got to carry the guitar on the metro which made me feel cool)

- leading worship for my bible study and then hearing the guys jam afterwards on my guitar, realizing that I am the worst guitar player there, and wowed that the Lord uses me 

- getting distracted from conversations because of good music. 

- new great worship cds. If you're in need of some things fresh, check out: new life worship's counting on God, and Hillsong's this is our God

- dancing. I need more dancing. 

God is good. He loves loves loves us, which is amazing. Satan is tricky. He wants pride or self-doubt or lies to sneak in and it's so easy to let him - which is why I am thankful for community because we were not meant to run this race alone. 

no I ain't gonna lose you.

Hey. I just discovered Brett Dennen. He's a new musician. Fun stuff... not sure if I can excuse buying an album at this moment, but it's very pretty and jazzy and folky and oh-so-cool. One of his songs is the title of my post if you want to check it out. 

So, speaking of not losing... I did not get the job at my church. By the time I got the phone call yesterday morning I was expecting a "no" from them - I think the Lord prepared me for that. It was a rough day but I had a TON of friends pray for me and heard some good truths to remember. The Lord has spared me from getting a lot of jobs - I have no idea where He wants me, but hopefully it's somewhere great because He's sure said no to a lot of things. 

Tomorrow I have another interview - doing nothing I'm interested in, but maybe jobs are not where we are supposed to always feel most alive - I mean, sure that is ideal, but maybe there's not a great fun job with everything that fits me and my job is to use my gifts to glorify the Lord through serving Him through the church or something. So good processing. So, the job would be a teller? Yeah, I know a lot about that. Nothing... the closest I got during college was during quantitative lit when I sat in the back and drew pictures to Jake and talked to Jonathan - not a whole lot of learning going on there. But, the Lord can do what He wants and I am trying to hear his voice. 

Oh, and I went to a retreat this weekend and was so surprised by what the Lord talked to me about. He's life. He's it. I've got to keep trusting in Him - that He's working in me. Very cool. Speaking of cool, it snowed!!!!! brrr... but pretty. 

whew.

So, hi friends.  I usually feel like I try to cover too much ground in a post. So here's an attempt to only cover two things - job update and art. 

#1: Job Update

I had a great interview last Thursday,(a huge thanks for everyone who prayed,) and had a second interview for the job this morning! I would

 LOVE this job. I would work with a great team of people and, I think, get to use a lot of my gifts and abilities and quirks. Woo-hoo! So, I don't know if I have the job, but will hopefully find out this week. It's hard not to get my hopes too high. But, I know that the LORD is leading me, and He will do what is best, and we are all striving to seek His heart throughout this process. I'll keep you posted with what happens. 

#2: Art

I have really enjoyed making some art as worship since I've been home the past few months, and thought you might want to see. 

pita pizza and bargin mart

No lies here. There is a shop in the Springs called "Bargin Mart". It's incredible. Cheap health&beauty products along with some good food that may have been slightly damaged, hence it's being sold at Bargin mart. 

Our fearless hiking leader Kristina organized another Saturday morning hike. This time we met at Sean's house (which all people would have trouble finding) and headed up to Gold Camp Road to hike the Palmer Lake Trail.  I was a little intimidated by the groups sheer athleticism (4 colorado boys, and two skinny girls), but we made it work. Six of us hiked the six mile loop, stopping to take in the scenery (or as an excuse to catch our breath; "oooh, look at that mountain" was really code for, "let me grab a swig of water and stop sweating." ) It wasn't a tough hike, so there was a lot of talking involved. 

Afterwards we were having so much fun and we were so hungry that we decided to make lunch at Sean's house. He made pita pizzas with chicken, roasted peppers, and mushrooms, and the rest of us found a way to make some good brownies. We played cards, ate, told stories, laughed, etc. for hours. I guess this post is just to say "WOW! THANKS LORD!" The Lord has put some really great people in my life that I am already comfortable around that are running after the Lord. It is a treat. I am thankful. 

hello?

So, yesterday was eventful. The morning started out normal - worship, devotions, breakfast, etc. Then.. I decided to hit the store. Target first, to try to find a jewelry holder like Jen's that I really missed. Then, Mardel, because I am running low on books to read and wanting to find something new. So, I bought the jewelry thing, and found a book. Both successes. I bought "crazy love" by Francis Chan. 

Then, with habits formed because of my state of unemployment, I went to Starbucks to read and enjoy my half-caf grande non-fat vanilla latte. I was reading "crazy love" and it within the first few pages just blew away who I thought God was and I was humbled, shocked, and awed. I am scared but excited about the way that the Lord can use this book to transform our understanding of Him. 

So, coffee's gone, I leave, hop in the car, the phone rings. It's a local number, so I answer. It's the lady from the church that I applied at a month ago, (when I didn't get the job), and she said that she wants me to come and interview for a FULL-TIME job with them next week. AH! divine timing? So, I'd be the women's director for their youth - jr. high, I think. I asked for a job description so I can think about my strengths and weaknesses in this. Satan's been working hard on me since then, making me think that I am not qualified and too messy to do this. But, I am so excited about the opportunity!!!! I know that a job will significantly change the way I've been living the past four months, and I will be sad to see this time go, but also know that I have been dependent on the Lord and praying for patient obedience in all of this.  

So, after the phone call, I tried to do my best in the interview that afternoon but didn't feel very excited about it, met some friends for coffee at Pikes Perk, then went to pottery class. By the way, I'm horrible at pottery. I have seen myself improve since the first week, but I'm still horrible. I can make bowls/cylinders that look like dog bowls but that's about it. 

It don't mean a thing...

If it ain't got that swing. I am a little tall.  5'8". Not super duper tall, but tall enough that one of my favorite roommates could wear my capris as pants. 

Last night I went swing dancing after church. I danced with four memorable dancers. All great guys, only one of them reaching 6'0". That should be fine, but when they're trying to get your head under their armpit for the pretzel it can be kind of traumatizing. There's also one move where they grab your hips and you grab their wrists and they throw you up in the air - I just felt huge and tall. One guy was trying a move he was kind of new at and we kind of stopped mid way - he was like, "I don't know how to do this with someone so tall." So, we gave up on that one.  They were all great about it, and it probably wasn't really an issue. I don't define myself by my height, but it was a bit of a detriment when dancing. I just wanted to feel cute and little. So, what did I do about it? This morning I had my brother, a proud 6'3", dance with me. I felt small. Thanks Dan. 

Surrendering is Confusing

This weekend I went to a wonderful night of worship at my church. I felt the Lord saying sweet things over me of who I am and what I am about. I am not my profession. I am HIS. I am His worshipper. I am here to worship and to glorify the Lord in doing work for His kingdom. That was very liberating since I am in this job-identity-less state. I am desperate for a job, and would really love to hear from my church but I still haven't heard back. I have no idea what the Lord wants me to do with this time but I am trying just to run back to Him. I don't know where else to apply either - it seems to be all about who I know and not what I know. Interesting. 

Still deep in book reading. I'm reading "Saying Yes" by Cindy West who addresses the issue of art and the church. Very challenging for me as an "artist" but great. I'm also reading "The Shack" and a book about Bathsheba by Francine Rivers.  And Joshua. 

I have been blessed with some great people here - to talk to, be fun with, and pray with, it's been really great. I've been overwhelmed. 

It seems like all around me the Lord is working great things. My brother just got a great part time job, my friends just had a beautiful baby boy, my sister's boyfriend gets to go back to work, my sister is close to having a job for the spring, and on and on... and my heart is to celebrate those things with them, but am wondering what the Lord is doing with and in me and why I am still where I am. 

Sorry for the very heavy post. 

So, to make up for it, here are some fun things that have happened or are coming up: 

I'm going to DC for halloween and the election!

I played football last night with some new friends. 

My brother and I go get coffee together and it's great. We pretend we're going to winchestertonville. 

I LOVE worshipping. 

I make a mean homemade pizza.

I am going to a new sunday school next week that I'm really excited about. 

We almost got to the top of the peak. Going to the top of a 14er hopefully will happen soon. 

I am GLAD I'm in Colorado. 

dreams.

I have found a church in the Springs that I love. I have a job interview there on Tuesday to be an administrative assistant. This morning at church, the Lord was present and close. And the leadership at the church seems to be right on - they're sensitive to the Lord's leading, true to His word, and I'm just really impressed. It's kind of big - so how do I make friends there? It's also hard because I don't know where living. I'd get plugged in, but what if I'm about to move to Denver?!?!

Something I'm starting to learn:

 the Lord's dreams are better for me than my own, but dying to my own dreams hurts and is risky - but I can trust Him. I want to be a part of His bigger plan for eternity and His Kingdom, not just my own ideas of what I think would be great for my life.  

Just in case you think that I'm in Colorado and not taking advantage of BEAUTY that is here, don't worry: we climbed the peak yesterday from the Crags campground. Well, Linds climbed the whole thing and my Dad and I got to about 13,000 feet, which I am proud of. It was beautiful!!!!!! We camped, ate smores, froze in the evening, and bragged on how beautiful creation is.  Did I mention it is good to be here?

Happy Sunday! 

the state of job-hunting.

I've been in Colorado for a month. It is beautiful. But today, I think it might get up to 45 degrees. Brrr. Welcome winter in August. Besides the weather.... 

I had a job interview yesterday in Denver  working for a homeless shelter/relief mission.  I'll find out in a week and a half after they interview a lot of other people, and I have an interview a week from Tuesday at a church. So, I'm making progress.

My sister, Lindsey, who is WONDERFUL, is leaving in a week for school. It will be very sad without her here. 

Time has been really good here. I love being with friends and catching up. I have been learning a lot, having time to spend with the Lord, and reading. I'm glad to be here. It was hard to leave Arkansas, but this is a good place. Sometimes I get antsy for being in an apartment and having a job, but I also know that there are good things in this process of waiting and surrendering my life to the Lord. 

hello, mountains.

Hello, mountains. Goodbye, Ozarks.  

I'm in Colorado Springs. Spending some quality time with my family and trying to figure out what I want to do next. I have had lots of "brilliant" ideas, but a lot of those ideas of my own have been closed doors. Sometimes it leads me to frustrated times where I just want to be settled and in one place and in a job I love. But, other times, I find comfort that I am in a process - letting go of my ideas of what I want in my life and trusting the Lord with writing my story.  

I left AR a few weeks ago. I miss my life there. I really just feel like I fit. I loved playing frisbee on Sunday afternoons, going to yoga, getting coffee at the cafe, going to church, and helping lead worship. I loved being Jen's roommate and making sure that we had fun even though we worked hard. 

BUT, I know that the Lord has good things ahead of me. And I just need to WALK with him. and be patient. 

This week - great things ahead: applying and looking for jobs, praying, and maybe going to get some of my things that I left in AR. 

reading on a jet plane..

I can't stop reading. Perhaps that's because I don't know what I'm doing with myself or I've found myself lost in some good books. First, in honor of my lifetime hero, I read and enjoyed "Julie Andrews' Memoir of My Early Years".  It was fun to read all about how she got her start on Broadway and the screen and how strong her voice was and all that... I loved it. I'm a dork.  Then, I just read "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers. Wow. This one I couldn't put down. It's amazing. Just read it if you haven't. 

tyler.

I got back from Tyler on Thursday. Jen and I spent about a week at her parents house. We ate healthy, homemade food, ate ice cream, watched movies, she drank sweet tea, and I drank starbucks (I even had a gift card!).  Did I mention they have a pool? Every morning we'd just hop in the pool and enjoy the sun. It was a treat. I decided that it would be a total vacation. I wouldn't worry about jobs, or think about future stuff at all. It was great. 

Leaving Lincoln.

Here's  a list of things I've done today (in no particular order):  

- I started a blog, 

- I left my job that I've had for the past year and a half (which today I am beginning to realize  how much I let myself love all of the people there!), 

-  cried and cried, 

- moved in a bunch of school stuff into our townhouse, 

- called my mom, 

- watched a Friends episode, 

- prayed for direction for what's next and for grace to surrender my life to the Lords. 

Whew. What a day. And it's only 3:30.