time for the patience pants

Dear rather-neglected readers, 

I am overwhelmed with blessings in my life. I feel like I fit really well in the Springs.  I am connected and could constantly be doing tons of things. Oops... I started to do a lot of those things. And I feel antsy. It's scary to have people expect me to do things or show up and be responsible. Be a good friend, be a worshipper with a heart in the right place, be a fun yet hard-working employee, etc. (I am sure that this is partly some expectations that I've put on myself.) 

I'd rather be the new girl who is mysterious and novel. My novelness is starting to wear off. Crap. 

It's easy for me to want to run away when people expect me to do certain things or act a certain way or meet what they thought I'd be. I'm going to disappoint them, so why not just disappoint them by leaving, instead of sticking around and letting them see that I am not as wonderful as I first try to pretend to be. 

So... all this to say: I know Satan is feeding me lies about all this. But, Jesus has made me aware of it, and I can run to Him about all of it. I can REST in my Creators arms and come to Him with my fears. And He is gracious, loving, and good. 

a need for satisfaction.

Friends, 

How easily we think that things will satisfy us. I have been in a quest for satisfaction for years, and I have found the answer: Jesus Christ! He is my life, my hope and my satisfaction. However, I have to choose to come away, sit with Him, be known and loved by Him in order to feel that satisfaction. Following Him is not always easy. AND, I get distracted so easily by other things that look enticing that even may have  a strand or two of good things. Worship for instance: I love love love love it, but if being a part of the worship community at my church is what satisfies me, then I have lost sight of Christ. If I am trying to find my satisfaction in my job, in being well liked by any and all people around me, then I am going to keep finding myself disappointed. 

So, what do I do????? That's my favorite question. It's not a good one, it's just my natural one. I always want to make sure I am DOING what I am supposed to be, when the answer is resting in the ONE who KNOWS and LOVES me - who is never leaving, never disappointing, never not good. Lord, give me grace to follow you and rest in you and be satisfied in you.  

tried and tired.

Today I went to court. I was very well taken care of - thanks to God and the nice District Attorney. I walked in with a possible 11 pt ticket and fines of possibly around $1,000.00. I walked out having paid $93.00 and as long as I don't get in major trouble with the law in the next 12 months, 0 points!!! YAY. Thank you LORD.

While I was sitting in the waiting room waiting and waiting because that's what one does in waiting rooms, I started reading "The Prodigal God" by Timothy Keller... and dang it has hit me hard. I've already been sorting through a lot in my head, but here's some honest thoughts as a result of the first 40 pages: 

So I have been trying to please the Lord with the things that I do. That maybe He owes me something because I try to be godly and to follow Him. Maybe that way He'll let me have a good future including a hot hubby, cute healthy children, and a life of following Him. That's what I want... how can I insure that? I can't. Do I want to follow Him because I love HIM and want to know HIM or am I really just looking out for myself. And, do I get jealous when He gives other people good things who I find somehow less godly than me? yup. 

Hello, I am an "older brother". More to come as I keep sorting out my depravity and reading the rest of the book. :)  

hmmmm.. heavy thoughts for the eve. 

baby, baby, baby

I love music. LOVE it.  I can't really explain why - something about how it calls us out of just life into something beyond. I don't know. But, here are some great musical experiences I've had lately:

- singing unashamedly on election day on the streets of DC with Devi - complete with motions, made up songs, high school musical, jack johnson and bing crosby covers. (Also, I got to carry the guitar on the metro which made me feel cool)

- leading worship for my bible study and then hearing the guys jam afterwards on my guitar, realizing that I am the worst guitar player there, and wowed that the Lord uses me 

- getting distracted from conversations because of good music. 

- new great worship cds. If you're in need of some things fresh, check out: new life worship's counting on God, and Hillsong's this is our God

- dancing. I need more dancing. 

God is good. He loves loves loves us, which is amazing. Satan is tricky. He wants pride or self-doubt or lies to sneak in and it's so easy to let him - which is why I am thankful for community because we were not meant to run this race alone.