time for the patience pants

Dear rather-neglected readers, 

I am overwhelmed with blessings in my life. I feel like I fit really well in the Springs.  I am connected and could constantly be doing tons of things. Oops... I started to do a lot of those things. And I feel antsy. It's scary to have people expect me to do things or show up and be responsible. Be a good friend, be a worshipper with a heart in the right place, be a fun yet hard-working employee, etc. (I am sure that this is partly some expectations that I've put on myself.) 

I'd rather be the new girl who is mysterious and novel. My novelness is starting to wear off. Crap. 

It's easy for me to want to run away when people expect me to do certain things or act a certain way or meet what they thought I'd be. I'm going to disappoint them, so why not just disappoint them by leaving, instead of sticking around and letting them see that I am not as wonderful as I first try to pretend to be. 

So... all this to say: I know Satan is feeding me lies about all this. But, Jesus has made me aware of it, and I can run to Him about all of it. I can REST in my Creators arms and come to Him with my fears. And He is gracious, loving, and good. 

tried and tired.

Today I went to court. I was very well taken care of - thanks to God and the nice District Attorney. I walked in with a possible 11 pt ticket and fines of possibly around $1,000.00. I walked out having paid $93.00 and as long as I don't get in major trouble with the law in the next 12 months, 0 points!!! YAY. Thank you LORD.

While I was sitting in the waiting room waiting and waiting because that's what one does in waiting rooms, I started reading "The Prodigal God" by Timothy Keller... and dang it has hit me hard. I've already been sorting through a lot in my head, but here's some honest thoughts as a result of the first 40 pages: 

So I have been trying to please the Lord with the things that I do. That maybe He owes me something because I try to be godly and to follow Him. Maybe that way He'll let me have a good future including a hot hubby, cute healthy children, and a life of following Him. That's what I want... how can I insure that? I can't. Do I want to follow Him because I love HIM and want to know HIM or am I really just looking out for myself. And, do I get jealous when He gives other people good things who I find somehow less godly than me? yup. 

Hello, I am an "older brother". More to come as I keep sorting out my depravity and reading the rest of the book. :)  

hmmmm.. heavy thoughts for the eve. 

rubber fish and rest

A little job update:

Today I spent a lot of time trying to find a good fake rubber fish to buy on the internet. That's part of my job. :) Anything that anyone in the Children's Ministry department needs to buy they put on a list and I get to order, including fake rubber fish. Did you know that there is a lack of them in the US? 8 online stores were out of stock of these beauties. 

Besides the current lack of fake fish, work is going well. I am working with wonderful people. AND, the LORD is working on me even in the midst of a work day, so it's great. However, I am really sleepy. Work just wears me out. Who knew 25 hours a week could wear me out? 

someone called it -

--- everything has been happening all at once. 

Saturday I bought a car! 

And a cell phone. 

And today I got a job!

YAY. I bought a 2003 Dodge Stratus from a family friend for way under what it could be sold for. Thank you GOD and thank you Paul. And my cell phone had died the day after my wreck so now I have a new one. Today I found out that I will be a temp. admin for my church for 25 hours a week. It probably will be a job for at least a few months if not more.  

So, I start tomorrow. Pray that the Lord will be honored in my learning this job. 

WHOA. A lot of changes, BUT God is, again, not surprised. May I be faithful. 

oh... what a world we live in

Whoops. Got a little behind on posting (really, that's the story of me blogging since day one). 

Some thoughts on life and some accomplishments, in no particular order:

1. I LOVE my church. We are in the middle of a teaching series on worship and it continually is shifting my perspective of God. It's a treat. 

2. I don't have a job. And I am not going to India. I thought I was, but I'm not. It has been a good decision - I'm very glad that the decision is made. And I am excited about what's ahead...

3. What's ahead? You think I know? Nope, I don't. I just know that I love worship (leading worship, singing, writing, playing in the band, any of it) and want to pursue that. But since that doesn't pay at the moment (or maybe never will), I'm applying for more admin. jobs (woo-hoo!). 

4. This week I hiked the incline in Manitou Springs. It was a big accomplishment. I hope to make it a regular event. 

5. I'm reading a book called "The Art of Compassion" and it has some neat thoughts on art and how our art/music/ability to make $$ and give it away can help relieve some people living in poverty. 

6. I want to spend my money in a way that reflects what I care about. So, that means giving more, even when I don't have. and being smart so that my checkbook reflects that I care more about Christ and His work and His people than I do about clothes from target (man, that's a toughie). 

7. Other good book recommendations: Crazy Love by Francis Chan, and Soul Survivor by Mike Pilavachi. They have been part of encouragement that's gotten me through this waiting season. 

8. The LORD continues to put great people into my life that it is a treat to run next to. I am always meeting great people who love the Lord through worship. And friends continue to encourage me in HUGE ways. 

That's it. G'night.

good, great God

Well... I almost didn't get a chance to write in December, but for a few minutes I'm glad to take a breather and write what's going on. It has been a sweet, great, advent season. This month the Lord provided money for me in great ways: I got a check from the school I worked at in AR last year that I wasn't expecting at all. I also have been the fill in secretary for my parents church, and they generously pay. The Lord has provided for me in great ways - He is very worthy of our trust. 

Patience. Patience has also been a theme. The Jews waited 400 years for the coming of the Messiah - Christ - talk about patience! I have had trouble waiting 6 months for a job!!!!  So, this season I have found myself waiting for a lot of things: for the second coming of Jesus, (come Lord come!), for a job, for love, for an apartment, for things to be a little more clear. But in all of this waiting the Lord has taught me again about His love for me and that I am whole in Him - not in a job, or a boyfriend, or in a cute house, but that I am whole in the LORD alone. 

So, I am excited for a new year - excited to see what the Lord does and excited to continue to lean on Him and surrender to His ways (for the are best!).  And I have seen the Lord's blessing in so many ways: financially, with friends, with opportunities to lead worship, with working through good things with family, and with the hope that He will always walk with me. 

no I ain't gonna lose you.

Hey. I just discovered Brett Dennen. He's a new musician. Fun stuff... not sure if I can excuse buying an album at this moment, but it's very pretty and jazzy and folky and oh-so-cool. One of his songs is the title of my post if you want to check it out. 

So, speaking of not losing... I did not get the job at my church. By the time I got the phone call yesterday morning I was expecting a "no" from them - I think the Lord prepared me for that. It was a rough day but I had a TON of friends pray for me and heard some good truths to remember. The Lord has spared me from getting a lot of jobs - I have no idea where He wants me, but hopefully it's somewhere great because He's sure said no to a lot of things. 

Tomorrow I have another interview - doing nothing I'm interested in, but maybe jobs are not where we are supposed to always feel most alive - I mean, sure that is ideal, but maybe there's not a great fun job with everything that fits me and my job is to use my gifts to glorify the Lord through serving Him through the church or something. So good processing. So, the job would be a teller? Yeah, I know a lot about that. Nothing... the closest I got during college was during quantitative lit when I sat in the back and drew pictures to Jake and talked to Jonathan - not a whole lot of learning going on there. But, the Lord can do what He wants and I am trying to hear his voice. 

Oh, and I went to a retreat this weekend and was so surprised by what the Lord talked to me about. He's life. He's it. I've got to keep trusting in Him - that He's working in me. Very cool. Speaking of cool, it snowed!!!!! brrr... but pretty. 

whew.

So, hi friends.  I usually feel like I try to cover too much ground in a post. So here's an attempt to only cover two things - job update and art. 

#1: Job Update

I had a great interview last Thursday,(a huge thanks for everyone who prayed,) and had a second interview for the job this morning! I would

 LOVE this job. I would work with a great team of people and, I think, get to use a lot of my gifts and abilities and quirks. Woo-hoo! So, I don't know if I have the job, but will hopefully find out this week. It's hard not to get my hopes too high. But, I know that the LORD is leading me, and He will do what is best, and we are all striving to seek His heart throughout this process. I'll keep you posted with what happens. 

#2: Art

I have really enjoyed making some art as worship since I've been home the past few months, and thought you might want to see. 

hello?

So, yesterday was eventful. The morning started out normal - worship, devotions, breakfast, etc. Then.. I decided to hit the store. Target first, to try to find a jewelry holder like Jen's that I really missed. Then, Mardel, because I am running low on books to read and wanting to find something new. So, I bought the jewelry thing, and found a book. Both successes. I bought "crazy love" by Francis Chan. 

Then, with habits formed because of my state of unemployment, I went to Starbucks to read and enjoy my half-caf grande non-fat vanilla latte. I was reading "crazy love" and it within the first few pages just blew away who I thought God was and I was humbled, shocked, and awed. I am scared but excited about the way that the Lord can use this book to transform our understanding of Him. 

So, coffee's gone, I leave, hop in the car, the phone rings. It's a local number, so I answer. It's the lady from the church that I applied at a month ago, (when I didn't get the job), and she said that she wants me to come and interview for a FULL-TIME job with them next week. AH! divine timing? So, I'd be the women's director for their youth - jr. high, I think. I asked for a job description so I can think about my strengths and weaknesses in this. Satan's been working hard on me since then, making me think that I am not qualified and too messy to do this. But, I am so excited about the opportunity!!!! I know that a job will significantly change the way I've been living the past four months, and I will be sad to see this time go, but also know that I have been dependent on the Lord and praying for patient obedience in all of this.  

So, after the phone call, I tried to do my best in the interview that afternoon but didn't feel very excited about it, met some friends for coffee at Pikes Perk, then went to pottery class. By the way, I'm horrible at pottery. I have seen myself improve since the first week, but I'm still horrible. I can make bowls/cylinders that look like dog bowls but that's about it.